Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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