Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
