I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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