Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
