Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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