And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
