we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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