I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
