I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
