You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
