woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i think my cat just said my name.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
