Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
