Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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