The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
