My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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