1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
