i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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