I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
