I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
