Your dad touched me again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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