if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
