I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
