I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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