You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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