I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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