it hurts more in the daytime
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
