At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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