i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
