It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
