I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
