Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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