i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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