I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
