Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
