Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
