Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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