My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
