He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
