Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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