My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
we should paint friendship bongs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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