we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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