RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
This toilet bowl is my home.
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