does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
