Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
