I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
