maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
