Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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