He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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