I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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