Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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