you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
