Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
