I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
