My friends, they love my intelligence
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
