i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
