I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
