It was confusing and full of hummus
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
