I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
